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Oswego coming to a close.

16 Dec

This is a bit of ride, so hold tight! Ps. near the end there will be a tiny bit…(kinda) of blood so you have been warned!

My time at Oswego is finally coming to a close. After 7 years, it’s about damn time! My last final was given Thursday, this was my last real scheduled time with my students. It was bittersweet. I even found this gem.



I laughed wildly as I pulled the desk out of line and slid it to the back of the room. Saying “Not today!” Then the on slot of grading…and grading…and grading…I’m still not done yet. Grading and packing, and packing and moving. Two trips to the storage unit later.Then back to grading, I had to take a break today or I knew I was going to just start looking for every fault instead of every positive in there work.

A nice interruption was a student wanted to take my picture for a project he is doing. I don’t think he has fully developed what exactly he wants to create or do, but he has a general direction. It was defiantly odd being on the other side of the camera.


My last day official day in Oswego was ohhh so fun filled. It started with grading at home while I waited for Jenilee to wake up. I packed the rest of my bags, and started my last load of laundry.

We planned on going out to breakfast at the Ritz. My car was parked behind hers, and we both had an errand to do, her to the post office, myself I needed to go to the bank. We decided to car pool because we both needed to come back to the apartment anyway. Brush off car. Get in. Turn key. *whaaa* *wha* *whaaa* “Sometimes when it’s cold she doesn’t like to start right away.” Turn key again. *whaaaaaa* *Wha* *wha* I looked to see if I left the lights on. Nope. The engine would just not turn over. I didn’t panic outwardly…mentally I was slightly panicked. I had 4 paychecks that needed to be deposited in the account that had less than $100, with a $138 automatic withdrawal planned for today for loan. I would get to the bank by noon. I would fucking walk if Jenilee wouldn’t give me a ride. That was my solution if worst came to worst. However, getting to campus to drop off my G5 and to pick up student work to bring with me to grade was another matter. On top of getting to Rochester before the huge storm rolled in. On top of, if it was the starter, transmission or what not that needed to be fixed A. how much would that cost? B. How long would it take to fix? C. Did I have enough to pay for it?

Jenilee tried to pop the clutch to start it. She acted as if she had successfully done this maneuver before…apparently not. She said that it had to be something other than the battery. I don’t want to believe her. All I wa$ thinking about wa$ how am I going to pay for thi$?

I added stopping at the gas sation to our errand list. I parked my car and we jumped in Jenilee’s new car. It said it was 8 degrees out. Yeah, a bit chilly. And we headed to the Ritz. Those errands could not wait on a Saturday afternoon.  Post office check. I called my Dad just to ask what he thought and to give him a heads up that I will be running late on my journey home. He said to give her a jump, that it sounded like the cold drained the battery. That was the plan. And if it wasn’t the battery, then to call him back. The fate of my car is yet to be decided, so if this was her final bow, she would be let go. He didn’t want to drive the two hours to get me but he would. To be honest, at this point my car is a death trap. The tires are next to bald, the struts are fucked, and she just started making a new bad sound. I can’t sell her as is because I know, whoever was dumb enough to buy her would surely kill themselves or someone else. I just know how fucked she is so I know how to handle her. (I know it must be so comforting for people to read this.)

Anyway…The Ritz. Cheap good food. Crap coffee which is always comforting. A small town diner with a big heart. I had my normal order. Veggie scramble with peppers, onions, american cheese and wheat toast. I added eggnog french toast. It was a special. Fantastic.



This meal made me miss Cala. We would spend hours drinking that crap coffee and just shooting the shit.

Next was the gas station. I jumped out with $5 ran in, snagged a Coke, paid and got back in the car. Jenilee gave me a look as if to say “This is important?!” She is a woman of few words. I said “I bet my battery was really corroded last time, so this is just in case.”

We made it to the bank, I went in deposited my checks. I talked with the woman behind the counter, she asked me where I had been. (5 checks) End of semester nightmares and moving. Prime time to ask a few quick questions. All answered, excellent. Jenilee was playing on her phone when I got back in the car. ONWARD.

We opened our hoods, sure enough my battery had a nice little battery acid fro working. I poured my coke all over the sucker. Grabbed a sponge from my car, and cleaned it off, poured more coke to let it set. Now, I would like to comment. Even though my car is falling apart, she has been through a lot, and she carries pretty much everything I need. Food, water, blankets, shoes, extra money …machete …I could live in my car if I really wanted too. Actually, I did for a weekend in Balitmore once…alright off topic. Even though she is a piece of shit…she is the shit! I love her and hate her in the same breath. We have a relationship just like anyone else. I take care of her as best as I can, and she does the same for me. And so it goes…anyway, in the now 10 degree of awesome, we hook up our batteries. Wait ten minutes. Get in my car. Turn key. She starts. I LOVE YOU!!!! YES! We let them run for another 5min then I drive around for another to seal the deal. You know, confirm our relationship.

Load up her up with my bags, and get everything set for Liz when she comes to pick up my shelf. Say “See ya later” To jenilee. I’ll be back in less than a week for my going away/department lunch Friday. Next stop campus. Liz meets me and we grade binders. Easy, easy. Boom, boom. Load one of my suitcases full of student work because there is no way I can get through all their projects in a few hours. I save files and double, triple check e-mails. Everything is squared away in a few hours. Next, dinner? Nope storm is coming in. Race over back to the apartment. Pack my left over food and Clover. And lastly help Liz shove the shelf into her car. I have no idea how she is going to manage to get it out by herself.

Next, the journey home. Normally a two hour trip took close to three. Bad weather, shitty drivers, and shittier roads. Imagine a tiny falling apart car, packed with your all your possessions, your crying cat and yourself driving home. One trip, one last trip is all she needed. I cursed at least every five minutes. I imagined myself dying, getting hit by a massive snow plow. I got pissed after that. A calm rage really, a focused anger. I was jealous of all the big SUVs with their nice tires, the 18 wheelers that never got any muck splashed across their windshields. It’s a really fucked up situation to drive a tiny car in a snow belt. You learn to be very cautious. You realize rather quickly that if anything bad really happens, you will never win. There is no room for error. I listened to Snap Judgement to calm me down. It didn’t work, ass hats everywhere. And the closer to Rochester I got, more of them appeared. I finally made it to my un plowed road. Perfect. So unbelievably perfect. I hoped for the best, drove down the middle, slow and steady. Deer running everywhere. Brake fish tailed twice. Slow and steady. Up hill, down hill, up, down. In the driveway, and park. HUZZAH!

Needless to say, I wanted a glass of wine. But when both your parents are recovering alcoholics, there will not be a wine opener in the house….second BUT…if your parents are recovering alcoholics they may or my not show you what they used to do in the same situation.




And the cork goes right back in. None of that finishing the bottle non sense.

Now you must be wondering….I thought there was blood…Oh there is…but that happened then next day. Today rather. So stop now, if you can’t handle it.

I dislike doctors. I avoid them at all costs. So naturally when a skin tag of mine started to get caught on my bra strap I knew it had to go. I tried to cut it off myself, I have done it before. A little ice and toe nail clippers is all you need. However, the location of this one on my side under my arm made it difficult to get a clean cut. So today I asked my mom to help. She wanted none of it. I asked again and again. At that point, my brother and Dad had to take a look at it. I got the whole, maybe you should just leave it alone. I told them it sits right along my bra line and is getting pulled at every time I moved. They all saw how red it was so we busted out the exactos. The blade was burned and my dad did the honors. It was a weird feeling, I felt the blade slice back and forth. It didn’t hurt. It was more of a pinch. However, I have a really high pain tolerance…so who knows. I gushed blood from this tiny perfect circle for a good half hour. I kept pressure on it, but whenever I would look to see how it was I would string a leak.


Until next time!

ps. 26 days!

pss. This is so long I’m not going to proof read…I’m going to bed!




Further developments…

7 Dec

Clover did so well at the vet. She didn’t cry or hiss. Of course she was nervous, She stayed on my lap as much as possible. She got all squared away with her microchip, and shots. She weighs 7.6lbs. We measured her so we can get the right size crate for her.



The vet did ask if I wanted to have her blood tested just to see how her kidneys were doing. Three years ago, Clover was drinking a ton of water, which was really odd. I thought it would be best, just to make sure. They had to poke her twice because the first batch of blood they pulled had a blood clot in it.



She acted as if her leg was broken.



The test came back and she is clear. There is some evidence that she has a continuos kidney something, something…they vet left a message on my phone. She didn’t sound to concerned about it and didn’t say anything about and options to “fix” this. I’m going back Jan. 3rd to finish up Clover’s paper work so we can figure it out.

My art supplies are all gone, two huge storage tubs and a duffle bag worth of paint, brushes, pencils, carving tools, clay, conte, charcoal, markers, tape, and paper. All gone. It hurt to see them go. Years of gathering and using them. They are like my co-workers, co-workers I like! And seeing them go was good, but there was that twinge of ….I don’t know, guilt? I don’t know why I would feel guilty about giving away awesome water color pencils, but I did.

Th extra monitor I normally use at my workstation has been given a new home too.  And my G5, both good homes. They will be used and taken care of. Jenilee wanted to use the G5 as furniture, but I would rather have someone work on it than put dishes or a plant on him. A part of me feels as if I’m being suicidal, giving away my possessions like this. Some of my books are finding good homes too. I just don’t like the idea have having these great resources and materials just packed away for years, when someone else can enjoy them and get use out of them.

The last day of teaching for me was Thursday…Wednesday was much harder. It was my smaller class, Typography. They were all finishing up their final projects, focused, typing and clicking like mad, Dave Matthews playing in the background. I was overcome with how I am going to miss the labs, my students, this place of creativity. I had to go into 35 to organize their projects and cry. I stayed during open lab till midnight, to make sure everyone was on the right track, and I didn’t want it to end.

I have been saving all my files, and organizing my digital life. Today I’m starting to pack for the storage unit. This whole upcoming week  not only will I be grading like a mad woman, but I will be giving finals and moving! By next week this time I will be heading to my parents house to spend the holidays with them and to visit high school friends. 34 days left…it is flying by.

Finding an apartment is on hold. Meshari and I talked about it, and even though I am disappointed, we are holding off of getting a new apartment. We are going to stay where he is now. We will be able to find something together, once we are both stable. (Paper work, driving on my own, civil ID, work papers, learning the roads) It’s a smarter move.



I’m avoiding work…

11 Nov



Since mid terms, everything has been going full speed ahead, but I took a few moments to avoid work to make this masterpiece. If you are in Oswego tomorrow stop on by!

This ends this advertisement!

Art Supplies

30 Sep

Art 100 is a gen ed. (General Education) This class is also be known as the art class for non-majors. Essentially we have to cover most forms of media and pretty much every movement of art. I barely scratch the surface with each topic. It’s the most basic I can make it. The first semester I taught it I had my students do journalling. Pick 7 male and 7 female visual artists and analyze one of their pieces. Roughly two pages for each piece…however I had over 100 students. Do that math, grading was painful. The next semester I thought one large research paper would be better, but alas I got bored. Grading was better, but the art element was missing. That is why this semester I am having them create an actual piece. They have to pick two artists, do research and figure out the main elements and principals of design that are used for each artist. Then also look into the content of each artist. Once they understand that they will plan their own pieces, using the elements from one artist and the content of another, while also including a bit of themselves into the piece. It is a real challenge and I have really enjoyed talking and problem solving with them.

That being said, I let them know that I was moving to Kuwait. I have bins and boxes full of art supplies. I can’t bring them with me, and it would be a waste to store them away. So I thought this would be a good way of giving them away. Some nice watercolors and brushes were taken first. I thought it would feel good to give them new homes. I feel more like someone who is extremely depressed and is giving away all their things before they off themselves.

Yay…. I feel like it’s a combination of how my own piece for the next show is just falling apart. I know what I want to do but it’s a style and process I have never explored before. And here I am giving away my tools…I feel lost in my own work. I keep starting over, and over, and over.

I suppose that is good thing, when I give up is when there is a problem. Liz has been able to get me to at least see that I’m in a new territory, and it’s normal to feel like this. On top of all of the other things going on in my life. I’m walking in new shoes, in a new city. Hmmmm…

On a lighter note Cala is coming up this week! I know we will totally talk art and together we will get me on my way.



…absorbing what I can…

21 Sep

Kuwait is still months off, yet I find myself walking slower, breathing deeper, and watching intently, to all the things that make up my daily life in the States.

Walking to my little, starting to rust kia spectra. The car who has gotten to and fro these last 7 years. I notice the small scrapes on the trunk, put there by Meshari helping pack after my freshman year. Something I haven’t thought about in years.

Or how the leaves are just starting to change, the smell of fall is approaching. Not yet here, but it’s coming. And I miss it. I miss it while it is still in my presents, while I know I will be able to enjoy it for months, yet I miss it. How can I miss the Fall, when it isn’t even here yet? I miss apple pie and I haven’t even baked any yet? How can I miss the color of sky when I get to see it everyday? And yes the color of the sky is different in Kuwait. It isn’t the pure clear blue we have in western NY. The night sky, stars…I’ll be in a large city while I’m there…

I will miss being able to understand everyone around me. Being able to read everything.

I don’t want to say I’m struggling with the concept of leaving. I feel as if I’m struggling with my unintentional want to absorb everything. My want to bring these memories with me. Every smell, every color, the voices of my friends, the spaces I have worked, maple trees, my mom’s poppies, even Canadian geese, and those guys can be huge assholes! But I’m watching them, how they move, how their feathers fit so perfectly together, or when they hiss their necks swell up and their tongues curve to the roof of their mouths. Why am I so focused on these fine details?

I feel as if I am in overdrive while in slow motion. As if I am walking through molasses…I’m gathering and gathering…

If I am working in my office, as soon as I hear someone in the hall, I focus on their foot steps, their faces. These faces I have seen for years now. I know what they teach, I know their laughs, hell I know how some of them like their coffee! It’s like my mind needs to double check everything and file it away. Everything is distracting, but it’s not…or I feel as if it isn’t. I have this overwhelming feeling that the details are so important.

I feel connected and disconnected all at once.



The clover is growing very well this year at my parent’s house… I suppose a positive note is my photography is becoming more driven because of this disjointed, vast focus. That’s the best way I can describe it…a disjointed vast focus.

Friday the 13th

14 Sep

Ohhhhhh weeeeeee ouuuuuuuuuu!

Of course some form of celebration had to happen! Scary movies….yes! “Tales from the Crypt” was the go to. Mushi approves!


I had the kid brain saying “Yeah those are good! Kinda stupid, weird, creepy stories.” I did NOT know that they had actual movies for adults! As we were watching I kept saying “What the fuck!?!?”, “That’s disgusting!” Blood, boobs, swearing up the wall! This was not what I remembered as a kid. I wasn’t disappointed, just taken aback.

As we were watching Liz was working on her million bee project. I really don’t know if she is going for a million, but she is hand making hundreds of varying sizes of bees. I was just having fun.





😀 I love corny jokes! They are so great!